


The Alpha's Goodbye

by darkroses



Series: The Alpha's Home [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Omega Dean, Omega Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 11:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17223389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkroses/pseuds/darkroses
Summary: There were moments in life where time seemed to stand still. Moments, when one could hear their blood pumping through their veins and the sound of their heart, was so loud nothing could be heard. Those moments were always the worst. It was the crippling fear, the painful loss, the confusion, and the emptiness that would never fade.Castiel faced one of those moments as he knelt on the floor of Sam and Dean’s room. Words could not describe how Castiel felt. Tears could not wash away the pain. Begging the Gods would not give him back what he wanted.This is the moment Castiel lost part of his world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For those of who have not read the other parts to this series, Gabby, Gadreel, and Gary are Castiel, Dean, and Sam's children. All three children were born at the same time and are triplets. It is not terribly important for this story, but Gary and Gadreel are Sam and Dean's alpha children, while Gabby is Dean and Castiel's omega child. 
> 
> Also, since people have trouble reading tags, this story includes **Major Character Death**.

~~~~There were moments in life where time seemed to stand still. Moments, when one could hear their blood pumping through their veins and the sound of their heart, was so loud nothing could be heard. Those moments were always the worst. It was the crippling fear, the painful loss, the confusion, and the emptiness that would never fade.

Castiel faced one of those moments as he knelt on the floor of Sam and Dean’s room. Words could not describe how Castiel felt. Tears could not wash away the pain. Begging the Gods would not give him back what he wanted.

This is the moment Castiel lost part of his world.

**Earlier**

“Alpha Team, come in.” Gabby held a toy dart gun in his hand as he stood outside Papa and Omega Dad’s bedroom. Gabby knew Alpha Dad, and Omega Dad spent the night together last night. This would give them a perfect chance to capture Papa. Once Papa was captured, they could demand pancakes.

Gabby heard a whisper from Gadreel behind him, “Alpha Team is here.”

Gabby looked behind him and smiled at his brothers, Gadreel and Gary. He held up his toy gun and said, “On Three.”

Gadreel came up next to Gabby quietly. He placed his small hand on the door handle and waited for Gabby’s instructions.

Gabby took a deep breath and whispered, “Three, two, one.”

Gadreel swung the door open, and they stormed Papa’s room. Gabby raised his dart gun along with his brothers and opened fire on Papa. Gabby lowered his gun after all of his darts were gone.

Papa didn’t wake up. Normally Papa would grab them and give them tickles before asking them what they wanted for breakfast, but Papa didn’t wake up. Maybe Papa didn’t want to make them breakfast. Sometimes, when Papa was sick, he didn’t make breakfast.

Gabby took a step closer, unsure of what was wrong with Papa. Gabby noticed Papa’s teddy on the floor next to the bed. Papa had a trail of blood coming from his nose, but it looked dried and puddled on the bed. Gabby reached the bed and touched Papa’s arm. It was cold to the touch.

Behind him, Gabby heard Gary ask, “Omega Team, what is the pancake progress?”

Gabby glanced back at Gary before turning his attention back to Papa. He gave Papa a shake.

Nothing happened.

He shook Papa again. Harder this time.

Nothing.

Gabby gave Papa a hard shake and said nervously, “Papa?”

Gadreel dropped his gun and ran up beside him and shook Papa as well. His voice was strained, “Papa?” Gadreel gave another hard shake, “Gabby, what is wrong with Papa?”

Gary screamed, “Papa.”

++

Castiel woke up abruptly to the triplets screaming Papa. He sighed and got up to put a stop to whatever they were doing. He slipped on his pajama pants and a shirt as the screaming continued. Everyone was getting a time out for waking him at this ungodly hour. He shuffled out of his room and followed the noise to Sam’s room.

When he stepped in the room, he knew something was very wrong. The triplets were shaking Sam and frantically calling his name. Sam wasn’t moving. Castiel took a deep breath and said firmly, “Boys, please go ask Omega Dad to come here then go to your room.”

The boys complied, much to Castiel’s relief. He made his way over to the bed and like his sons he reached out to give Sam a shake as he said firmly, “Sammy.”

Sam’s body was cold, and Castiel noticed an absence of the rise and fall of Sam’s chest. He knelt down next to Sam. He could hear his heart beating in his chest, and it suddenly felt very warm in here. He stared at Sam’s face as he felt for a pulse on Sam’s cold neck.

There wasn’t a pulse.

Castiel’s hand shook as he grabbed Sam’s wrist. Sam’s fingertips were a blueish purple. Castiel squeezed Sam’s hand because he knew. He could deny it, but it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make anything better. It wouldn’t accomplish anything.

He knelt on the floor as leaned his head against his mate’s lifeless forehead. Castiel gave Sammy a gentle kiss on the forehead as he whispered with tears falling down his face. “It was supposed to be me. You weren’t supposed to leave me. I needed you. Dean needed you.” Castiel noticed his voice got louder as he spoke, “The boys need you. They need their father. How could you leave them? Sammy, why? Why did you leave us?”

Castiel broke into a sob and fell back on his heels he buried his hands in his eyes in a vain attempt to calm his tears. An endless series of why tore from his chest as he felt Dean’s arms wrap around him.

Castiel wanted Sam back. He wanted to be able to order Sam to wake up. He wanted God to tell him why he took his mate. It wasn’t fair, and nothing could make this right.

Nothing could make his world whole again.

He would never again wake up to his mate’s smile.

He would never again hold his mate in his arms.

He would never again see the sparkle in his mate’s eyes.

He would never again hear his mate’s voice.

He would never have the chance to say goodbye.

He would never have the chance to tell Sam he loved him once last time. He would forever live with the guilt that his last words to Sam weren’t _“I love you.”_  

In desperation, Castiel begged, “Please wake up, Sammy.”


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel and Dean wrapped Sam’s body in white linens and placed it on top of a pyre. Castiel didn’t want anyone else touching Sam’s body. He didn’t want foreign hands to be the last ones ever to touch his mate. He wanted Sam back, but that wasn’t an option. The most he could do now was say goodbye.

Somehow, the tears would not stop falling from his eyes. He couldn’t form words. He thanked the Gods for Gabriel. His brother carried the burden of explaining this to his children. The triplets hugged and cried. Their innocence broke Castiel’s heart. He knew they grew up a little too quickly that day. Gabriel had to explain that Sam wouldn’t be able to make them pancakes in the morning.

Castiel couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose someone so important to them. Dean did though. Dean lost his mother at a young age. Even Dean was at a loss on how to comfort the pups. Ben silently accepted Sam’s death. Given Ben’s pregnancy, Castiel expected more of a reaction out of him, but perhaps, Ben tried to stay strong for his little brothers.

Castiel stood at the edge of the burial grounds with his family as he watched unknown persons pay their respects to Sam. Slowly, the pyre was surrounded by hundreds of marigolds. One marigold from each person. It looked beautiful. Castiel wiped his eyes. Sam always thought he never had a place in society. Castiel knew Sam was wrong. Sam changed the world so much and left far too early.

Sam would be missed by everyone who had the privilege to know him.  

Castiel felt a tug on his suit jacket. He looked down at Gabby, and he picked up his pup. Gabby wrapped his arms around him and whispered, “Did Papa die because we shot him?”

Castiel ran a hand up Gabby’s back and hugged him tightly. His voice cracked, “No baby. The Gods decided that they needed Sam more than us.”

Gabby rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder and pouted, “It’s not fair! They should have taken Gary.”

Castiel felt something boil inside of him, and he snapped at his omega son, “Never say something like that again. Papa would have gladly laid down his life for any one of you, Gary included.” The idea of losing one of the children hurt just as much as losing a mate. He never wanted to say goodbye to one of his children.

Gabby mumbled, “I’m sorry, Alpha Dad. I… I want Papa back. Why did the Gods take him? They… Papa is a lawyer! Papa should have protested his death. He could have filed an injunct! Yeah, an injunct!”

Castiel closed his eyes as a few more tears fell from his eyes. He wished there was an appeal process for death, but there wasn’t. He whispered to his son, “I’m sorry, Gabby. The Gods have their reasons.”

Gabby huffed out a breath, “Will I ever see Papa again?”

Castiel felt a sob tear from his chest as he tightened his hold. He croaked out, “No baby. This is goodbye.”

++

Dean held Gadreel in his arms during the service. Castiel had Gabby and Gabriel held Gary. Samandriel kept his arms wrapped around Ben. Dean couldn’t bring himself to cry or scream. He begged the Gods to take him instead the night before. He screamed himself hoarse into the night sky until Castiel and Samandriel forced him to go inside.

It wasn’t fair to Dean, and Dean wondered if Sammy was afraid. Sammy died alone, and that was his fault. He should have been there for Sammy. If he was there, then he could have called for help, and maybe Sam would be alive right now. It was his job to protect Sammy, and he failed.

Dean remembered that when the triplets were born, Sam was excited to get to see the children grow up, to see his children grow up. Sam loved each of the children equally, but Dean knew Sam’s eyes lingered just a little longer on Gadreel and Gary. Sam would never see his children become adults and mate. He would never get to see what they accomplished in life.

Dean wished he could send letters to the afterlife, but he couldn’t.

Time stopped for Dean when four clergy members approached them with torches. He could hear his heart beating in his chest. Dean’s hand shook as he took the torch. He stood up and adjusted Gadreel so he was on his hip and made his way over to the pyre. Castiel, Gabriel, and Ben also held a torch in their hand. Gabriel and Castiel each held one of the pups. Samandriel never let go of Ben. Each of them held a torch to at one side of the pyre.

Dean closed his eyes as the clergyman said, “These four flames represent the cycle of life. One represents Sam’s birth. One represents Sam’s life. One represents Sam’s death. And one represents the life Sam passed on through his children. Sammy Winchester-Novak was a bright flame in so many lives. He was loved not only his mates and children but so many others. These flames are held by Sam’s family, the ones that loved him the most. Once these flames combine, Sam will be released from this world. His work here on Earth is done. His legacy will live on.”

Dean glanced at Castiel and received a nod in return. He knew it was time. He took a step closer to the pyre and stepped onto the pile of marigolds. Then he laid his torch at the bottom, as Castiel, Gabriel, and Ben laid their torches down.

The pyre illuminated quickly, and Dean stepped back to watch his little brother’s spirit reach for the Heavens. Dean never realized he was crying until Castiel wiped away his tears. Dean found himself wrapped in the arms of his family, but he still didn’t feel whole. Dean whimpered at the sight of the smoke reaching up into the sky.

The smoke was Sammy’s final goodbye.

+++

Castiel collected the ashes from the pyre. He carried the ashes to a mountain overpass near their home. Sammy always liked to go for hikes out here. Ben liked to join him sometimes. Castiel never saw the beauty in it until this moment. Castiel knelt and took in the sounds of nature. It was peaceful. He could see how Sam would like this.

He gently opened up the urn containing the ashes. He spoke quietly, “I know your spirit is gone. I know you’re at peace now. Dean and I miss you, so much. The boys miss you, too. I pray to the Gods that once I die, they will let me see you again.” Castiel’s voice cracked, “I never got to say goodbye. I never got tell you I love you once last time. I know you’d tell me that it is okay, but it is not okay. You’re my true mate, and you’re not here anymore. It feels like part of my soul was ripped out by the Gods.” Castiel clutched the urn as he sobbed, “I just want you back. Please come back to me, Sammy. Please.”

Castiel sobbed loudly for what seemed like hours before he finally stood with the urn in his hands. Then slowly, as tears fell from his eyes, he let the ashes fall over the mountaintop and fly away with the wind. Through his tears, Castiel felt his longing for Sam grow. He wished he could gather up the ashes and have Sammy back. Castiel let some of the ashes fall through his fingertips. This was as close as he would ever get to holding Sam one last time.

As the last ashes fell Castiel whispered, “Goodbye, my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the depressing story. No idea why this came to me, and yes, I killed off my favorite character. Sorry about that. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone, that read this piece. Despite the depressing tone of this story, comments and kudos still brighten my day.


End file.
